She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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