how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
