When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
