u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
