i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
