I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
