I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
