so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
