The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
