I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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