the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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