brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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