lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No stitches, just platelets and will power
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
