And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
