Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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