# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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