I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
