Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
