i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.