I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.