I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles