I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
