I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
