Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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