My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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