I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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