I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
