You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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