Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
this hospital has no fireball
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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