Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
