you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
