I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
