so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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