can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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