Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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