Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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