U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
