we have officially lost it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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