..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Randomize
