one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
