You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize