so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's get the cat blown out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
