The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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