So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize