Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
