Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
