she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
