I can tuck mytits in my pants
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
