Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
