I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
