Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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