I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
