I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
