I think I died a long time ago.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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