When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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