in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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