just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
