I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
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just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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