It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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