I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
