It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
