She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
