Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I did not marry a roomba.
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