Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
