Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
