Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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