hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
