he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
