Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
