Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
