girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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