I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
