I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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