This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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