Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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