Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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