The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
