Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
