i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
