so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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