If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
