Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
