What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
