My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize