help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
