I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
