I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
