when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
