Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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